Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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