even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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