Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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