once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
