All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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