I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
