I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
