Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
