Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
