Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
