It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
