if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
