Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
