I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
