omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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