FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just want to make out with him forever
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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