I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
