one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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