In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
