She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
