He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I checked into jail on foursquare
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
