just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
