Can Purell be used as lube?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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