you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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