he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well I just put wine in my tea
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
