I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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