She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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