Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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