so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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