Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
