Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
someone owes me an orgasm
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
