he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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