life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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