He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
