this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
