I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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