She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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