I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
