There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
