ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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