There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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