then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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