If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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