you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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