so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
