I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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