I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize