I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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