I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize