before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize