Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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