A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.