On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.