I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷