i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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