i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
