Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
