the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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