Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
