Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
