We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
