you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
MIDGETS
????
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
