She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
