8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
