im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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