I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
