Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
