I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
