Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
