As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
