You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
